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Jewism
Jewism, or the religion of the Jewists, is both a monotheistic and a polytheistic religion. Inside Jewism, the Jewists believe that Jenovah created the world in eight days, representing all eight days of the Jewist calendar: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Tharsday, Friday, Saturday. The holy book of Jewism is called the Qu-ible. The Eight Days On the first day, Jenovah formed a giant ball of rock and called it the "Earth". On the second day, He flooded the land with his own tears. On the third day, He raised the land in certain areas, calling them "continents". On the fourth day, He filled the continents with lush greenery. On the fifth day, He made many animals to fill the ocean. On the sixth day, He filled the land with many animals that lived with harmony and were to live in harmony with his greatest creation, man. On the seventh day, He rested. On the eight day, He realized He screwed over the world, but decided to keep it as it would be entertaining watching mankind kill each other. The Creation of Man On the sixth day when He created man, Jenovah had decided to make it in his image. Then he realized that would freak out all the animals that he made, so He decided to make them after the Fag race that lived millions of years before. So, He dug in his nose and pulled out one giant sized boogar. From that booger He shaped out the world's first human, which he named Jewie McJewJew I. He then placed his armpit above the booger figure, causing such a rancid smell that the booger was forced awake into the form of a man. Jenovah asked Jewie to name all the animals and pick the one who shall be his partner. Jewie went through all the animals, experimenting on several. That is where many animals, such as goats, obtained their hideous shrieks, as the pain of the original twelve inches slid up them. Though Jewie liked them all, he decided that none of them were exactly his type. So, Jenovah seduced Jewie into a deep sleep. During then, he ripped off half of Jewie's body and molded it into man's perfect partner. Upon waking up, Jewie realized he was only half a man, literraly, and there was a random naked midget with long hair and two round mounds of fat on its chest. He screamed for the LORD, and the LORD heard him. "What is the matter, Jewie?" asked the LORD. "I am only half of what You made me to be!" exclaimed Jewie. "I know this. I took from you what you didn't need and made you a companion," replied the LORD. "What I didn't need? I only need half a body?!" wailed Jewie. "Is that a complaint?" asked the LORD. "Yes it is!" wailed Jewie. So Jenovah struck down Jewie with his almighty thunderbolt, and on the third year of the world, he resurrected him. During these three years, Jenovah had named the human that had come out of Jewie "woman", and the name of her became Woman. Jenovah had many children with Woman, making a huge race of Demigods. After the third year of being reduced into ashes, Jenovah sneezed onto Jewie's body, causing the boogers to align once again and reform Jewie as a whole being. Jewie was confused as he saw many more humans, though they seemed to be even greater than him. He asked Jenovah how this came to be. Jenovah replied that He and Woman reproduced, causing a race of Demigods. Category:Gozon Category:Religion